Mass Effect Too?
by M.Road
Summary: "I'm sorry did I interrupt your regular schedule, to introduce you to my life. MY life, meaning Shepard's life i.e. Me. Yeah it's not complicated not complicated at all. So what I can't remember the battle of... whatever. But I'll try to recap my past no matter how convoluted it may sound, but damn it I'll try my best!"
1. Chapter One

Chapter 1

Reasons of Probabilities

"Why hello there, my name is... well you don't need to know my name; Not yet anyway."

'_I saw his smile before all the pleasantries came my way, it was sickening __to the very core of my being_.'

'_His cocksure attitude and cheshire features didn't help to calm my nerves, in fact it was just one of the many features of his face that I didn't like; since it WAS the only thing I could see in this dark decrepit old room_. _I'm sorry it's just that I'm tied up to a chair being force fed through a tube that was dangerously jabbed in my arm, but don't worry the taste isn't quite dreadful: rather fulfilling now that I think of it. You know... like a twinkie, yes a twinkie. Anyway I'm going into a tangent: Before I say my name, I'm going to recap my story up to this point in time, and you will listen if you want to know my reason of being kidnapped and about to become a puppet to the monsters in the sky.__'_

_'Well it all started on a cold metal slab, you know the kind. The kind that they put dead people on yeah that kind, but the peculiar part was that I wasn't actually DEAD. So imagine my surprise!'_

"What the fuck... is this?, I'm alive? I'm actually alive! Holy shit I'm ali-"

'_Then, this is where the "Woman" came to break my moment of __my__ somewhat belated happiness and confusion.'_

"Shepard are you there?"

'_At first I didn't react professionally, even when I should have been calm and aware of my surroundings when I first opened my eyes, but~'_

"AAAGH! Shit! Damn it! Don't fucking do that lady, sheesh!: Who the hell are you woman!"

_'Yeah... maybe overreacted just a little bit, just a teenie tiny morsel, yeah.'_

"I'm sorry who is this?, Is this Shepard?"

"Lady, I don't even know what your talking about: Shepard? Like the dog... or like a person which one lady."

"No time Shepard, just listen to whatever I say and try to find your suit: It should be in the room your in and try to find a gun, and please don't get killed."

"Sure, ''_listen to whatever you sa__y", _God you sound like a very uptight water balloon waiting to be popped by the fat kid at a party: found it... get in there you piece of shit suit!"

"Shepard are you alright?"

_'The audacity of the girl!, Of course I'm not alright, after being resurrected by a group of unknowns: All I can remember was dying in the cold vastnesss of space while slowly falling towards a planet: burning the other shitty ass suit that I was in. Meanwhile my so called "Teammates" left me to die and wither beneath the planet alone and forgotten. Well, I suppose I can forgive them I mean I did sacrifice myself for them so~ no biggie.'_

"Am I alright! Am I alright!; bitch...yeah guess I'm alright what about you sweet lips."

"Hm, maybe your brain hasn't had enough oxygen yet: you did just wake up but thats besides the point.

Shepard you need to hurry up and get to the hangar bay."

"Alright, alright miss prissy pants...damn."

_'__After finding a gun in the next room, which is kinda dangerous you know __just lying around for someone to shoot their eye out with__. Anyway, I slipped through the cracks of a somewhat engine room or something, shit I don't __know I just fucking woke up. Even worse though I had the mechs to deal with the pistol I had. It didn't go so well... for them anyway.'_

'Ok. This pathway leads down there which is the room for the vents and oxygen distribution through out... whatever I'm on; shit I think I'm lost, _'I look left and find myself at a deadend, then I look right and what __do__ you know... another deadend.'_ " Yep, I'm lost."

"INTRUDER SIGHTED, PROCEED TO NEUTRALIZE"

_'I turn back towards the door' _"What am I?, a dog." '_And can you guess what happened next, the fucker shot at me! Me! Yeah I know right so I did what I do best.' _

"I'm sorry, here take this as an apology." '_And BAM! Shot that bucket of a head off its' stupid body... yes I went there: STUPID! God that pissed me off singed part of my suit before I can gain cover. Even though it was a shitty suit: it is comfy.'_

"Damn where the hell is that chick, uh wait hold on ah so thats how it works; Um, hello miss P are there? Helllooo~."

"YES! What is it Shepard. Did you find the hangar bay yet or any people on your way there?"

"Whoa ok, maybe I don't need your help sheesh; people these days am I right."

"You're looking at a dead man Shepard."

"... I knew that, I knew that."

"God It's much worse than I thought."

"Yeah Yeah, bite me bitch!"

"Terribly worse."


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter 2

Catching Up

_ 'Now where were we... ah yes I was politely telling this RUDE woman to just, well to just shut up and give me directions instead of questioning my every damn move; it's actually worst than my "Go to objective and proceed to either kill, maim, or ironically neutraulize the suspect." And no I am not what you call a renegade or paragade or parmesan or WHATEVER! I'm just trying to piece together whats left of my mind after Dr. Prissy Pants here oh so subtlely inspected my insides. Yes! My insides, meaning my... somewhat disgusting, wet, moist, almost mesmerizing... little bits of my personal bei-'_

"Godamnit Shepard, pay attention!"

"WHAT!, What is so goddamn important for you to just interrupt my thoughts... Damn it! I was thinking of my escape off this shitbucket of a WHATEVER, and you just ruined my plans and maybe possibly killed me in the process you foul thing of the night!"

"But, Shepard you need to just go ri-"

"And turn my attention off of you, and~ proceed to the nearest exit, cause who _doesn't _follow the instructions of a neon red sign..." _' I look around the room, desparately trying to find a fellow naysayer, but alas no butts.' _"Well, I do! And if that just doesn't agree with ANY of you!" _'I point to myself in disdain, ultimately failing to seize the moment in my grandeur' " _You can expect ME...ME! To be accepting this facade! Now to go through with my barely thought up plan in which it was utterly destroyed by that...that thing!"

"Shepard... you need only to look left of your general direction. And go through those doors and into the hallway in which you can find a friend, who is in dire trouble. You Idiot!"

"O-K, you bitch of a speakerphone or a headpeice or a personifacation of my broken mind! I'll do it, but I thought you said to go~ righ-"

"JUST GO THROUGH THE FUCKING DOORS YOU VERY SAD PEICE OF SHIT."

"...Ok, ok just don't hurt me, '_you bitch.'"_

"_WHAT WAS THAT!"_

"Nothing, nothing at all isn't that right boys!" '_I nod to myself and start to crack from the pressure of having my eardrums blown out' "_See, nothing wrong here... just us humans; you know in space and all that jazz..." _'You can practically hear a pin drop whilst I was on my way to the friend in trouble kinda ordeal.' _"HEY! I just remembered something about myself..."

"...And that is?"

"I''m a decorated war hero, a marksmen of great fortitude, and a very all around great guy. So I guess I am a paragon of all that is good and harmonious in this ol' universe of ours right?"

"Um ri~ght Shepard, you keep thinking that while your currently diagnosed with a very deadly mental illness."

" Yeah right, I just thought I was... you know different you know. Just a man out for his own heart you know."

"Shepard? Why are you talking to yourself?"

'_See this is the moment where I realize the trouble I was in right after noticing that I blacked out while jogging towards the trouble. __I WAS TALKING TO MYSELF!'_

"AHHHH! SHIT! FUCK! Damn it! Why didn't you tell me sooner I was fucking talking to myself you cunt!"

"Well I'm sorry I thought you were thinking out a plan to escape, I quote "The Whatever!" end quote."

"...you beat me there you cold unforgiving russian woman you."

"I'm not russi-"

"And onto to the friend in need ordeal. Hey! Whats your name? Mine's obviously Shepard! Don't know why? I think it's because of a bad pun gone great you know what I mean jellybean?"

"Uh Shepard? Is that you?"

"Of course it's me! Why not me, it could've been more mechs, am I right!" _'And there I am going into a _

_another tangent, Oh Well!' _"And that's why I can't just talk on any radio show broadcasts."

"Um o-k Shepard, I'm Jacob Taylor, the Lieutenent of this whole operation here."

"Ah good, good. That's great, just great... So these mechs huh?"

'_Well, that was my first friend in this godforsaken hellhole of a tin can space station...HEY! I remembered something, Oh my god that's great! I was just starting to question my sanity you know cause...whew that was a close one."_

"Shepard? Shepard?"

"Hmm.. Yeah man what's up?"

"You were kind of nodding off there. Are you alright by any chance?"

"Hmmm... Yeah I'm alright just you know." _'I tapped my head somewhat gently' _"Just a few loose screws from that bitch of a doctor up there!"

"Yeah right, imbecile"

"What is that, just what the fucking hell was that. 'Imbecile', really? I'm sorry but are we in the era of a fucking stick in our rectum... Sheeesh! Can't even come up with a decent insult, '_Imbecile'_, god that sounds like an accent that's JUST trying to make into the hearts and minds of a cult following of full fucking extremists! Am I right?"

"Shepard, there's something I have to tell you."

"Hmmhm... go on Lieutenent Jacob, sasy what's on your mind. No one's judging you here."

"We're Cerberus."

"...Well don't I sound like a hypocrite."

_'Yes the one of many faults that I'll make on my journey... Yeah sorry.'_


End file.
